Teen Titans Go to Hell or Something
by MatsuHerO
Summary: Matsu helps the Teen Titans fight a threat they can't handle.


Ethan Crane was in the Armageddon Zebra's cafeteria with Pokemaster Terrapin, Jon Her-O, the Schmidt Brothers, and the Joker who was still wearing a Batman cowl over his normal costume and was calling himself the Bat-Joke. Jason Voorhees was in the corner, gently stabbing at the wall. Ethan Crane was watching events unfolding on a nearby television, where Matsu Her-O was watching the assimilated Picard die.

"I didn't think it was possible, but I think Matsu just made _Star Trek_ worse," said Ethan Crane.

"My father does what is best for all of the Fictosphere," said Jon Her-O, feeding his dire-wolf under the table.

"I'm beginning to think that Matsu may only be doing what's best for Matsu," said Pokemaster Terrapin.

"Well, that cinches it," said Ethan. "Oh wait, you've done nothing but complain since you've arrived. Anyway, Matsu will probably be back soon. I wonder what he'll do next."

Suddenly, Matsu Her-O walked in and walked over to the vending machine. He pressed a button and it spat out a 20 oz Mountain Dew Voltage, infusing Matsu with even more super-strength than before. Ethan and the others watched him. Ethan's mouth was agape.

Terrapin was the first to speak, "Matsu, shouldn't you be finishing your task in the Star Trek universe?"

Matsu grinned and said, "I was thirsty." On the television, Borg ravaged a random planet.

Terrapin ventured, "What about the Borg?"

Over the Armageddon Zebra's intercom system, Matsa She-Ro paged Matsu, "Matsu Her-O, there is an incident in the DC Universe. The Teen Titans are under attack by a possessed Guitar Hero controller." Jason perked up at the mention of teens.

The Bat-Joke gasped, "A Robin in trouble? We have to help!"

Matsu paused. He asked, "Wait, is it Teen Titans, or Teen Titans Go?"

There was a hesitance to Matsa's voice. "Does it matter?"

"Yes," said Matsu. "Very much so."

"Just the regular Teen Titans," said Matsa.

Matsu's eyes started to glow with anger. "Monsters! Set course for the DC Universe!"

Terrapin asked again, "But what about the Borg?"

Matsu shrugged it off. "I'll deal with that later. I need a team. Bat-Joke, Schmidts, you come with me. Terrapin and Ethan, you want in?" Jason was now standing and bouncing from foot to foot excitedly.

"I'm having too much fun watching the Borg ravage these people," said Ethan, followed by a laugh as he watched events unfold on the television.

"I really think you need to deal with the Borg first," said Terrapin.

Matsu waved away Terrapin's suggestion. "Okay. No for you two, then. Jon?"

"I need to practice my angst if I want to be as great a hero as you, father," said Jon.

"I'm proud of you, son." Matsu ruffled Jon's hair, and then, remembering his son's dedication to angst, added, "I could be prouder."

A single tear ran down Jon's cheek. "Thank you, father."

As Matsu and his team left, Jason watched them leave dejectedly and returned to stabbing the wall.

#

Robin was at wit's end. Batman had disappeared some months ago, and while some mysterious entity had locked most of Batman's rogues up in Arkham and then put Arkham on a satellite, there were still dangers that would have been infinitely easier to deal with if Batman were still around. It didn't matter now, though, because a mysterious gift was trying very hard to kill them. Robin readied a boomerang and chucked it at the tentacle that had emerged from the base of the Guitar Hero controller.

"I swear I didn't mean to do it," said Beast Boy, bounding over Robin in the shape of a rabbit. "Really!"

"I believe you," said Robin, throwing the boomerang. It hit the tentacle and didn't really do anything. "Starfire! Raven! Cyborg! What's the situation?"

"We're trying to get some other members back here to help," said Cyborg, unleashing an energy blast at the tentacle. "System says it's down, though. We're by ourselves for this one."

"It is too strong," said Starfire, unleashing her own energy on the creature.

"The package said it was from a Usagi Tsukino," said Beast Boy, now in the form of a monkey and perched on Robin's shoulder.

Robin's brow furrowed. "Sailor Moon. Batman warned me about her. Any chance of figuring out what this is, Raven?"

Raven was floating above the creature, and her eyes started to emit an unearthly glow. "A creature from the deepest of the Hells has been trapped in this plastic guitar, aligned with the so-called Crystal Empress and her consort. Help is about to arrive, though. I can feel it."

The window shattered and a familiar cowl broke through, hitting a rogue tentacle with something and landing with a flip in front of Robin. For a moment, Robin thought it was Batman, but then the full visage of the being in front of him became clear. It was the Joker, in a Batman cowl, holding a crowbar.

"Finally, a chance to use this crowbar for justice," said the Bat-Joke. "Are you all right, Robin?"

"I'm really very confused," said Robin, and this feeling did not let up when the front door was smashed open by a torrent of mustard and ketchup. Robin stared and whispered, "Condiment King?"

It was not Condiment King, however, but rather the Schmidt Brothers. They had attached squids to their right hands and were shooting streams of ketchup and mustard with their left hands. The squids were somehow solid, and they were using them as swords.

"Ach! The wee beastie don't like me mustard much," shouted Mordecai.

"Nay, it's me ketchup he don't be able to stomach," shouted Kelvin.

As the two argued, Robin stared as the Bat-Joke attacked with his crowbar and the Guitar Hero creature was covered in ketchup and mustard. He had readied another boomerang, but now his arm hung limply at his side. Starfire was hovering and watching events with a baffled look on her face. Beast Boy was now a bird, and he chirped, "Uh, Robin? What the heck is going on?"

"I have no idea," said Robin. "I really have no idea."

Suddenly, Raven began to scream. Cyborg shouted, "Robin! I'm getting a power level reading that's off the charts!"

Matsu Her-O descended from the heavens like a golden god, carefully grabbing Raven before she fell onto the Guitar Hero beast and placing her on the ground. It all made sense, then. Robin knew everything would be all right, now, and he unleashed his boomerang while the other Teen Titans rejoined the fight.

"Good work, everyone," said Matsu. "Now let me finish the job."

He charged up what he called a Matsunami, a giant wave of energy that obliterated anything in its path. All of his allies crowded behind him and he unleashed the wave, utterly destroying the Guitar Hero monstrosity.

"It's a good thing you guys came when you did," said Robin.

"It was," agreed Matsu. "Oh, by the way, Batman says hello and he'll be back later. You and Cyborg and Beast Boy have to stay here and keep the world safe. Wait, which Robin are you?"

Robin was aghast, "Excuse me?"

"I know all your secrets," said Matsu. "I'll leave Starfire here. We need Raven, though."

Beast Boy asked, "Why do you need Raven?"

It was too late. The day was saved, and Matsu and his team were safely aboard the Armageddon Zebra with their newest member.


End file.
